A Series of Unfortunate Events

Last month sucked. So many awful things happened in a short period of time, that I was convinced that I had stumbled upon a curse. I called it "The Curse of Inconveniences." Of course, some things were worse than that, but as I've learned, the worse the situation, the less likely it is that it will be mentioned. Let's just discuss the inconveniences. It's Friday the 13th, which seems appropriate.

1) The Chef's father is very sick. We cancel our plans to attend my cousin's wedding in Montana to fly to Arizona to visit him.
2) Awful Awful let's not discuss.
3) We fly back home. The Chef's stomach hurts. We spend the afternoon at Kaiser, the doctor thinks The Chef has appendicitis. The Chef has lots of tests, drinks banana flavored barium, and is wrist tagged as an incoming surgery patient but, he escapes with his appendix intact. However, something "funny" is discovered on the CT-Scan. That means it's not funny at all. Let's not discuss.
3) The next evening we make dinner. We discover our oven won't turn off. It's very hot, and we are frantic that we will burn the house down. We unplug the oven and attempt to turn off the gas, but we can't, the "gas off" knob hits the wall. We call PG&E and an "emergency" guy comes to our house so he can inform us that we will not die from being gassed to death in our sleep. (the upside - he is happy that we are an easy problem.)
4) Awful Awful let's not discuss, I drive the Chef to the airport so he can go back to Arizona.
5) I am home alone. At 5pm the power goes out in our neighborhood. What the f*&#k? I sit in the dark with my flashlight, but at 8pm it comes back on. I still clutch the flashlight all evening.
6) 2am, phone call, awful awful let's not discuss.
7) In the morning, I take a bus to BART to go the airport. Within a block of the station the bus is stopped by police cars. There is a bomb threat at the BART station. The police officer tells me to "walk around to the other side." That means THIRTY MINUTES running with my luggage in a strange neighborhood, getting lost and then having to walk OVER the freeway on a bridge like thing, only to discover that on the other side the BART station is CLOSED due to previously known BOMB THREAT. I plead with two bus drivers, but they are not going near the airport. I stomp home with my luggage. I refuse to go to the airport and cry in front of strangers while waiting for a standby flight. I rebook my flight to Arizona for the NEXT day. I call The Chef hysterical, but another day spent with kittens helps a lot.
8) I get to Arizona for the funeral. There is something about testing the jet engine to make sure that it works in "high winds" but at that point, I don't even care.
9) awful sadness, the slo-motion kind, everyone has it. let's not discuss.
10) The day of the funeral, my watch stops working. Of course!
11) The day of the funeral, The Chef's sister loses her Scotty dog puppy. (note: pup found the next day at animal shelter. Holy Crap!)
12) The day of the funeral, we drive somewhere, anywhere to get out of the house. The "Check Engine" light goes on in the car. We hyperventilate worrying that the car will break down in the desert (later, we are told that light goes on all the time.)
13) We get home after a week of extreme sadness and black humoured hijinks. The next weekend we head to another memorial service.
14) The Supershuttle that is taking us to the airport goes to the WRONG ADDRESS. Again, I'm on the verge of hysterical, why can't I get to the airport?
15) The plane that is heading to our destination is having mechanical issues. blah blah blah. Delay delay delay.
16) After a week of loading up my portable "device" with "feel better" songs to listen to on the trip, within five minutes of being on the plane, it freezes and won't turn off. Broke. Thanks.
17) More mechanical problems in St. Louis, we are delayed an hour trying to get to Madison. We make use of our time in "the Lou" convinced that they are only playing Nelly in our terminal.
18) After more sadness and condolences, we fly back home without any delays (!). The next day K&M e-mail us, telling us that their oven stopped working last night, but now it's okay. I hope I haven't left my curse at their house.

Okay, lesson learned. I GET IT! Some things aren't as important as the bad things that won't be discussed. I can tolerate all the inconveniences, bring them on, just please cease with the horrible and awful.

The good news: today we got a letter in the mail from Kaiser. "Funny" thing on CT-Scan isn't as bad as the "bone expert" may have thought. Vitamin D and calcium will save us all.

Sometimes I think that if I just lived in a small town in Northern Wisconsin, absolutely nothing would happen to me at all, including the bad things. I know this isn't true, but I believe it.

I'm sleepee, call an ambulance. Happy Friday the 13th.